Ready for the Ivy League Challenge?

Transcript

SPEAKER A

Welcome to the Ivy League Prep Academy podcast, where we help you make a meaningful impact in your communities and get accepted to your dream university. Becoming the person that Ivy League schools recruit is more enjoyable and meaningful than you ever imagined. Come find out why. Hello and welcome, everyone. Today we are really excited. We've got Isabel Pacios with us today. Isabelle is an expert in wellness. She's currently a counselor here in Singapore at Stanford, and she has been an educator for almost 15 years now. She began teaching, but then moved quickly into counseling work, and she's got all the certification that lets her do that from multiple locations. We won't bore everyone with all that she's done, but I will say I know Isabel personally. I've seen her interact with students, and in my life, I have never seen someone care so deeply about the people that she works with. And so I was just thrilled when she accepted my invitation. I asked if she'd come on to talk today about a really critical discussion around wellness. What do we do in the IBDP and even in the MYP, preparing to enter the DP so that we can stay sane in the middle of a very, very rigorous curriculum that, frankly, not every student really wants to engage at that level of rigor. And even the students that do that want to take it head on and really want to succeed in the IBDP. It can still be a really stressful time. So today we're excited to have Isabel to discuss this with us. Isabel, welcome.

SPEAKER B

Thank you, Steve. Thank you. And let me just say that I appreciate listening to the previous episodes of your podcast, and so I feel honored to be a guest today.

SPEAKER A

Oh, wow. Fantastic. Well, I'm glad you've been able to listen. You've enjoyed anything that sticks out from what you've heard before?

SPEAKER B

Absolutely. I mean, I appreciate when you mentioned your work at the Harvard elite camp. I think the three episodes on the Atomic Habits were pretty powerful. And also the interviews with the students, I always find so empowering to listen to students, talk to students, and share their experiences. So absolutely.

SPEAKER A

Really good stuff. The students, I was amazed. Every single one. I think I interviewed five students so far, and every single one of them was just so impressive. But I will say a few of them mentioned some of the things that we probably will need to talk about today, and I do hope that this can be a resource for parents, teachers, and students, anyone who interacts with the high stress environment of the IBDP. Can we turn this from a negative stressful environment, debilitating type of stress into a powerful, empowering experience where we come out of this and just feel like we've grown and stretched and become more than we thought we could become? All the things that the IB is hoping for? So to begin, why don't I introduce some of the stressors in the DP. The IBDP stands for Diploma Program, and among other things, there are individual assessments in each subject. Students need to take six different IB subjects. At least three of them need to be higher level. Three can be standard level. They also need to complete a 4000 word extended essay research paper, which we did a previous podcast on. They have external examinations that are high stakes and comprehensive. There are, like we said, six different subjects, and those subjects are spread out. So you can't focus only on the sciences. If that's your strength, you need to stretch out and be in multiple different categories of classes. So this can be a stressful time for even the most organized students. Isabelle can we start off by just saying how might a grade nine or grade ten MYP student begin preparing for the DP even before they get started?

SPEAKER B

Steve, this is a big question. So when it comes to navigating any challenge, let me start by this. Today we're talking specifically about getting ready to the IBDP. It is quite helpful to know your character strengths, to know what you're made of and what tools you have to fight with. When you talk about the Harvard elite camp and other episodes, you've mentioned that you start by taking the attendees through a journey of self discovery. So one very reliable tool for that purpose is the Via survey. So V as in Victor, I as in India, and A as in Alpha. The Via survey, which is free, by the way, was developed by psychologists Dr. Martin Seligman and Dr. Chris Peterson and their teams over a couple of decades. And it gives us a list of 24 character strengths that are valued across religions, age groups, cultures, nations, ethnicities, et cetera. Right? So once you take the survey, these strengths will be ranked from one to 24. So the top five being the ones that come to you naturally. Right. No effort. And the bottom ones are the ones that take a little bit of sweat. So in my case, I'll be very candid. My top two are appreciation of beauty and excellence and gratitude. And the bottom one is self regulation. And I recognize the self regulation piece very easily when I come across a pint of ice cream, a bag of popcorn, a pizza. But it is very important to stress that the strengths that are at the bottom of the list, the 23rd and the 24th strengths are still strengths. Nevertheless, you have all of them within you. They just surface with a bit more effort. So in my case, I'm not completely unregulated, just with certain triggers and a certain degree. Yeah. Our strengths, on the other hand, are indeed quite powerful because they demand zero effort. And when you tap into them, they bring you great results and satisfaction. They even help you with improving your strengths at the bottom of the list. Again, I'll be candid and say that I have tapped into gratitude to help me be more regulated around ice cream. And I have made postits to myself being grateful for my health, which then helped me be more mindful of the things that I was consuming and decreased the amount of ice cream I was having. Now, of course, I have difficult days where I will have ice cream no matter how grateful I am for my health, but still, it's much less than before. So, when navigating the IB and getting ready for the diploma program, I'll begin by suggesting students to allow themselves to know their strengths. Right. So and allow yourself to know that you have it in you and use them in your favor to know that you have what it takes, that you're more than good enough. Successful people are self aware. They're knowledgeable of their strengths, and they're not shy to use them. So do they have self doubt? Indisputably? But just as Michelle Obama says in her book Becoming am I Good enough? Yes, I am. And so are you good enough for the IB program? Yes. Yes, you are.

SPEAKER A

Wow. I love especially the way you concluded there that self aware people are. It's not that they're better than other people, but they're able to utilize the strengths that they are aware of. Absolutely. And they can be strategic towards reinforcing perhaps less developed strengths. I love that mindset. They're not weaknesses, necessarily, just less developed strengths. Right. And if we can be aware of ourselves and our tendencies, then we can create friction right back to the atomic habits that you just listened to. We can create friction between ourselves and those kind of challenges that that might be in our lives. If if we have a tendency to eat ice cream when we're stressed and we don't like how we feel after we eat ice cream, or we know that it's not good for us, we can add some friction to that. Right. Because we're aware of that. On the other hand, we can emphasize and take advantage of our strengths. And when we face those challenges, perhaps we can lean into our strengths. But having that awareness is that first step.

SPEAKER B

Absolutely.

SPEAKER A

Okay. Excellent. So, all right, we need to become aware of our strengths, know what needs to be developed. How about once we were in it, we might be in the middle of the DP, or maybe we're stressed out for a different reason. But can you tell us, are there some strategies that are helpful for students when they're in the middle of overwhelm? Are there healthy responses to that stress?

SPEAKER B

Yes, absolutely. My suggestion when it comes to feeling overwhelmed is to get some serotonin and some endorphin flowing. Those are the well known happiness hormones. So when feeling overwhelmed, we tend to have these negative thoughts and emotions that can paralyze us. So how can we get out of this funk and feel a little bit more ready to move forward. So by taking some time to release the happiness hormones would be what I would say. So make a habit to listen or dance to uplifting songs, exercising regularly, helping others, contacting a friend, chatting with a loved one, practicing a hobby, writing appreciation notes. These should help you feel positive emotions. And in that state, you'll be able to think about the next steps a little bit more clearly. And some may think that they don't have the time to waste on those things, but actually, when it comes to the IB, all those actions can also serve as cast. So win win. But in truth, each student has the answer to what works for them, as you said, when they tap into their strengths. Because human beings are resourceful. Maybe it's emailing a teacher for help. Maybe it's attending the support after class or writing positive notes to yourself like mantras to keep you going. Maybe it's organizing your time the night before, which is super, super powerful. Or going to the library a few days a week alone or with friends, depending on if you are an introvert or an extrovert. And how it works again to your strengths. And to sum it up, is to be kind to yourself when you have difficult days, taking the time to fill up your bucket so you can have a clear mind to move forward.

SPEAKER A

Okay, so, fantastic. Just like we all have different personalities and like you mentioned, we can take this test to become more familiar with our strengths. Those personalities and strengths can then perhaps lead us towards the tactics that would be most effective at shifting our mindset and shifting our emotional state when we're overwhelmed. So again, that self awareness becomes critical to being more effective at returning to healthy, right? When you're overwhelmed.

SPEAKER B

Yes. For some folks, you want to start with sometimes meditation, but some folks meditation doesn't work. So there's nothing wrong with calling a friend or texting just to cool down, just to get the amidila under control. And then you'll absolutely know what to do. You know what will work for you.

SPEAKER A

Excellent. So again, be aware. Self aware. That might be a theme in almost every effective leadership training or personal development training in the world is the greater awareness you have of this present moment of yourself and the way your body and your mind respond to stimuli and the way others respond around you. The more awareness you can generate, the more aware you are, the better you can respond and the better you can plan ahead and avoid pitfalls and things like that. So it does sound like that's another theme in this discussion as well. All right, so are there some skills in the moment? We want to come up with a couple of tactics or some strategies that we can use to shift our emotion back to a healthy state, but ahead of time. For those who like to plan out ahead and want to develop some skills around this process of overcoming challenges. Are there any skills that you can think of that are particularly helpful for students to develop?

SPEAKER B

Yes, I think the habit of exercising regularly. So sometimes in the office we say, well, let's skip some ropes, let's do some push ups, or let's put a song and dance to it. So just having that exercise habit is super helpful. Also putting together a list, playlist with uplifting songs, songs that get you pumped, get you going.

SPEAKER A

Music and dance. Right. You can kind of combine those two, for sure.

SPEAKER B

But again, for some of us, we're just a little bit more on the calm side, and maybe journaling is a good idea for you. Or practicing a hobby that might be drawing, that might be coloring, that might be painting. So definitely having a hobby and not being afraid to take a moment and go to it again just to get the middle under control.

SPEAKER A

Just as a side note, I remember this story could be 100% fabricated.

SPEAKER B

Yeah.

SPEAKER A

I have not verified this, and I do not have access to John Bon Jovi to find out for sure if it's true or not. But I have been told, and I love the story, whether it's true or not, I have been told that John Bon Jovi, he's now an old man. He has given thousands of concerts, and he still performs. But I have been told that before every performance, before every concert, he throws up out of nerves. He gets nervous before he goes out on stage, and he throws up because he's nervous. And I've also been told, and this is the part that I love, that he has said that when the day comes when I have a concert that I don't get nervous before, I don't need to throw up before my concert, then that's the day I'll I'll need to retire, because then I'm just not caring enough. Right. The nerves that I feel is important for me to know that I am fully engaged in this, that I'm fully committed. And so on one level, it almost feels like stress can improve performance and really help you to perform at a higher level. Is that true in your experience?

SPEAKER B

Yes, definitely. Adrenaline works to push the passion for us to perform for some folks and for others, we have to learn how to work under stress and how to tone it down and make it work. Right. So for Bon Jovi, it pushes him, and it shows him that that's where his heart is. But also for some folks, it might just paralyze them and say, no, I'm just going to give up right here. So there's a psychologist, Dr jordan Peterson. He likes to say that the best way to ease your anxiety is to tackle its source. So in case of Bonjovi, he's just like, yeah, I'm throwing up, but I'm throwing up because I'm nervous, so I'm just going to go at it right. And that's exactly what we're talking about. You can't sleep because you have something hanging over your head. Just let's go and get it done. And if you're paralyzed, let's go back to the endorphin, to the serotonin flowing and tap into your strength to find a strategy that works for you to get that done. And as they say, if symptoms persist, do seek the help of your school counselor or a trusted adult or friend.

SPEAKER A

Excellent. Okay, thank you. Well, Isabel, there are certainly teachers listening to this. What should I, as a teacher or other teachers who might be listening, be aware of as we teach students either in the MYP kind of grades six, seven, 8910, or up into high School DP eleven and twelve. Are there things to look out for in students to help us identify needs and really help students get those needs taken care of?

SPEAKER B

Sure. So Dr. Vivek Murthy. He's a Surgeon General in the United States and author of the book Together. He suggests that there's no dialogue without connection. So the power of connection relationships cannot be overstated, especially in the classroom. So this will be helpful in preventing issues from coming up or allowing you to be there for the student. We know that kids will work harder in classes where they feel a connection with the teacher, and they will struggle to put effort for the classes where they feel the teacher doesn't like them. But, I mean, we are all still teachers and humans. We're not friends with our students, and we don't always feel connected to them either. So for those of us who might not be naturals at this connection piece, how do we build that connection with each of our students? It's by showing that you notice them, that you see them, that you believe in them no matter what. So making a point to notice the smallest gesture or showing interest in something that they also like. So for a student that doesn't complete the homework, it would sound like this. I appreciate you did question one good effort. I bet you'll be able to do even more after today's lesson instead of you didn't complete 49 questions out of the 50 assigned. So both of them are fair statements. But the first one will show your student that you value their effort as little as it is, and the second one will come out as nagging and will not bring your student to do more. So why would he, right? You just showed him that you only noticed what he doesn't do. So remembering Dr. Murphy's words, there is no dialogue. There's no exchange without connection.

SPEAKER A

Okay. And I imagine that on the same token, those times when the student does need a little bit of firmness and say, if you choose not to succeed in this course, that's your choice. But if you continue with the output that you've been giving, then you're not going to be able to pass the course, or you're not going to be able to get the grade that you told me you want to achieve. The student may be more receptive and may know that that statement is coming from a teacher who cares as opposed to an enemy, because you've put in the time ahead of time to build that relationship by being kind at first.

SPEAKER B

Yeah. Attending to the positives. Right. So you can lock in the behavior that you want to see happen more often. So it's not just being kind, but it's shifting your attention to the positive, because it does happen.

SPEAKER A

So how should a teacher communicate that they think a student might need help? What if it's beyond, I'm a teacher, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not even a school counselor. How should I communicate that I think a student might need help?

SPEAKER B

I would say that the same way you would do regularly, just invite them, making sure that they're able to access the help. So is it a time that they're available to come? Do they know where it is? Perhaps they might be shy. So can they bring a friend? So just listening to perhaps any obstacle that they might have to attend the help?

SPEAKER A

Okay. So are you talking about an academic thing? What if I'm a teacher and I feel like there might be an emotional need that's not being met, or there might be some issues at home or things that really aren't inside my sphere of influence or at least my professional ability to help? How should I communicate that I think a student might need help outside of what I'm able to provide?

SPEAKER B

So you definitely noticed something that is telling you that there is an issue happening aside from the academic realm, and then what you come up to say to the student is, I can see that there's something upsetting you today. I just want to say that if you'd like to talk to somebody, I'm here, and maybe you'd like to talk to a friend or to the counselor. But yeah, I can see that you're upset today and see what happens next. I would say that that is validating. And again, the student is feeling like you're seeing the person, not just what he can do, but you're seeing that he's a human being and he's having a bad day.

SPEAKER A

Excellent. Yeah, that's very helpful. How should a student communicate that they think they need help? If there's a student listening here and maybe they feel overwhelmed, they've never really reached out for help before, but they are starting to feel like it would be nice if they had some help. How should a student get that started?

SPEAKER B

Well, there's no right or wrong way yeah. To get help. I would say definitely try to find a trusted adult and opening your heart and just saying exactly what you need, which is just to be listened to. It feels like counselors and psychologists have magic ones, and we don't. It takes a while for us to help the student move forward. Sometimes it's a day, sometimes it's years before we see something different. But I think from the student's perspective, it's just know that we all need to be listened to and just saying the person, can I tell you what's happening? And it could be a trusted adult or a friend. So family member, teacher, counselor, whoever you feel comfortable with.

SPEAKER A

Okay, last one. What about parents? Parents of teenagers? Is there anything the parents who might be listening in should be aware of? Do you have, say, one piece of advice for parents of teenagers, given your years of experience working in this field?

SPEAKER B

Steve? Can I offer? Two, please.

SPEAKER A

Okay.

SPEAKER B

All right, so I have two things. The number one thing would be, again, very similar to the teacher piece, which is attend to what your teenager does well. And number two, offer options of experiences for your teenager to pick from, but never leave them without an after school activity. So to elaborate a little bit more on point number one, dr. Ellen Casden, he's a professor of psychology from Yale University. He talks about attention as a powerful tool to lock the behavior we want to see in our children. So attend to what they do well, and you'll see more of it. Attend to the things that they do that doesn't please you, and they will do more of that bad habit. They will also see you as nagging, and they will resist your guidance because they'll go to their friends who don't judge them, who don't criticize them. So attend to the things that they do well. And number two is to offer options of extracurricular activities for your teenager to choose from and not letting them just simply choose to do nothing. It's through experiences that our teenagers and even us make relationships with like minded people, potentially find a passion and a mentor, and the passion doesn't have to become anything related to a career, but it will bring moments of joy, which will lead to a healthier outlook on life and light up a fire in their hearts.

SPEAKER A

Wow. Any business program in the world is going to teach you that whatever you measure grows. And so if you're paying attention, really what's happening is you're paying attention to that thing. So if you ask about it, it's going to increase. And if you focus on the good that they're doing, you're going to see more of the good. If you focus on the negative, you're going to see more of the negative. I love that. The other thing that I think is important to reinforce what you've just said is that students I learned so much from running cross country in high school about not quitting, and I'm never, ever going to be a professional runner. And that's just not the point, is it? Not only did I make friends, but I learned that I can push my body harder than I thought I could. And I learned that I can finish a race even though my legs are burning. And I learned that I can do hard things. And so students who get around like minded teenagers, like you said, or mentors adults, they can learn some of these life skills that then later on in business and in life. For me, the things I learned as a 14 year old in junior high cross country really made a difference throughout the rest of my life.

SPEAKER B

Absolutely.

SPEAKER A

Fully agree with your advice. There anything else that you'd like to share with our audience?

SPEAKER B

I think I would like to say this to all students is that what you do affects me and what I do affects you. This is not to add pressure, but for you to know that you are important, that you matter. And whatever results we have in the world, it is a collective effort. So we're together in this, and we're just social fabric where everybody is important, everybody matters.

SPEAKER A

Isabel Pacios, thank you so much for joining the show and your incredible words of wisdom. Really appreciate it.

SPEAKER B

Oh, my greatest pleasure. Thank you once again for the invite.